Logan Review

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9th time’s the charm ? No, not at all. Logan delivers more of the same only with added cg blood and limbs flying every which way . Oh , and the F word. So many F words that it just gets unintentionally funny. Unimaginative, uneventful , and ultimately boring. That’s my takeaway after seeing Logan. Which I hope is the last time we see this version of the iconic Marvel character onscreen.

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Fuck. The first word spoken by Who Jack Man in the film , and the first word spoken by me after watching it. I need to say that  I was hopeful going into this film. Spurred on by the solid reviews the film has garnered leading up to its release. “Finally the Wolverine the fans have been waiting for” is a line that has been used quite often in the write-ups. Well, if the fans were waiting for a tired alcoholic who doesnt give a shit about himself or anyone else then sure, you get what you have been waiting for. I on the other hand maintain that this is not the Wolverine from the comics. He never felt sorry for himself like this. If he did , he sure didn’t show it.

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Besides that his alcoholism has been dialed up to eleven, there really isn’t much difference between  where we find Logan at the start of The Wolverine (2014) and where we find him when he is introduced at the outset of Logan. He has remembered to shave, and cut his hair still, because we find Logan working as a limo driver. You know, what fans always wanted to see. I maintain that Hugh, the writers, producers and the braintrust have never gotten this character right. The notion that Wolverine is working as a chauffeur is so baffling to me I struggle making heads or tails of it.

The comic book character was always a surly bastard, but he always had a certain charm. A killer through and through , who deep down hates himself not only for being “the best at what he does” , but also for liking it.

One of the cool aspects of the Old Man Logan book was how Logan had essentially retired , and sworn of violence. In that story he is still very much capable of doing “what he does best” , but due a horrible incident years past he chooses not to. But this is NOT an adaptation of Old Man Logan. Not even close. The only thing that this film shares with that story is the presence of Logan. Other than that there is no similarity. OML takes place in a post apocalyptic world where the Marvel heroes are all but wiped out, and the world is ruled by an assortment of villains. In James Mangold’s Logan , society has not really changed. Technology has actually improved quite a bit, and for those reviewers who are calling this post-apocalyptic, I say they need to find a dictionary and look up the meaning of the phrase.

Every aspect of the modern world is pretty much hunkydory here. Infrastructure is fine. All modern conveniences are still there. TV and radio is still going strong. Kids are going to prom , and basically there isn’t any difference between this world and the world we have seen in previous installments. There is however an absence of mutants, which is never properly explained. Something about them not being born anymore due to food additives.Yeah. There is a short mention on a newscast where the line ” It’s 2029, why are we still talking about mutants” is uttered. This would lead one to think that mutants have been long gone, but then later we learn that mutants and indeed the X-men were around as recently as 2028. What became of them is never explained either. Its alluded to , and viewers can sort of put it together but for me it just makes certain character motivations even more bizarre.

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So the plot to this film is dirt simple. Logan is working as a limo driver, trying to raise cash so he buy a boat for himself and a senile foul mouthed Charles Xavier. They are held up at a scrapyard in Mexico for some reason. Logan then is introduced to a young mutant who shares similar “abilities” to his own . This girl is being hunted by a gang of mercenaries under the employ of some company that wants her for some reason. Logan then reluctantly has to help this girl cross the border into Canada because as long as they get to Canada they will be safe. That’s pretty much it , and the film spends it two and half hour runtime showing this chase.

The merchs are lead by a man named Pierce , played by Boyd Holbrook . Him and his infinite amount of henchmen are “enhanced” individuals. And by enhanced I mean most of them has had one of their hands replaced by a robotic hand. That’s it.  They answer to a certain Dr Rice , played by Richard E Grant, who´s sole purpose is to deliver useless exposition from time to time. A hamfisted attempt is made to connect this character to Logan’s past, but at that point it´s utterly meaningless.

The reason I find this film unimaginative is due to the fact that its basically rehashing plot points from the previous two Wolverine films. It constantly stops the forward momentum of the story in order to show our “heroes” either talking in cars, or talking in rooms. In between these boring scenes there are some brutal sequences where Wolverine goes into berserker mode, but its nothing we haven’t already seen in the previous films, but with added blood guts and decapitations.

The film is competently shot by James Mangold. I thought the score , and some of the music cues were weird as hell. Hugh Jackman does the same performance that he always has in these films. The villains are nondescript and ultimately not worth talking about. Patrick Stewart makes a radical shift in his performance as Professor Xavier. I found that pretty funny at times. The young mutant girl Laura played by Dafne Keen does well enough. The fight scenes involving her were quite good, but as far as acting goes I got flashbacks to the kid from the Omen remake. I wish this movie had turned out better. I think it would be helped if it was cut down to 90-100 minutes.It does not fill out its 

Fun fact. 10 seconds after this shot the theatre was filled with laughter .

Fun fact. 10 seconds after this shot the theatre was filled with laughter .

There are references to events which i was much more interested in knowing about, but these are never explained.Not much is.  It ends in a pretty anti-climactic manner , and as i mentioned at the beginning, my first word when the screen fades to black was simply : Fuck.

-Razz

  • Great write up! But I saw something entirely different! And remember, this is not a direct adaptation of Old Man Logan, yet it was brilliantly handled in its own right.
    Logan drinks because he lost his family, y’know, the X-men and how Xavier was responsible for the deaths of all those mutants, weigh heavily upon his burden as the caregiver. I rather have Lieb Schreiber revise his role as Sabretooth instead of that wannabe Terminator clone, however, his role had fit the narrative.
    “Anti climatic”? aww, comeone, Razz, the finale was poignant without having the need to come off as “epic”. But like you said, we agree to disagree.

  • i dunno. i still have to watch this though because of the trailer. Fuck these mutie scum. We need to kill them all by 2030

  • I_am_better

    That good, huh

    • Pretty much. Just my opinion of course. If I could get into specifics i could elaborate more on just how little sense this makes. especially as far as actions taken, and character motivations.

      Take out the excessive use of the F word, and the cg blood and gore, and there isn’t anything here we haven’t seen before.

      As far as the stand alone movies i rank it in second place behind The Wolverine.

      But it looks to make a lot of money, so i expect they will get Who Jack Man to do another one, or two, or three.

      • I_am_better

        I DL’d the score, mainly because I’m a fan of Marco Beltrami’s work – and it DOES sound weird. He always tries to get the weirdest combinations of instruments anyway, but this one takes the cake. But I like it

        • I_am_better

          Sounds like he mashed together a prog rock-band, a taiko drum group and a small orchestra plus a shitload of weird percussions